I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Randomize