i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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