So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
How does one acquire holy water?
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
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