Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Randomize
