I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
