Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
