Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Randomize
