she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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