i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
