I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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