im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
