last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
