The maid of honor just puked.
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
