Those balls look pretty dangerous.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
