Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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