and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
