Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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