I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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