I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
