He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
Randomize