He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
