We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
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