someone get that fucking seahorse.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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