hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Randomize
