This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
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