I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
