Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
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