The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
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