I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
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