I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Randomize
