i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize