What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I need to sanitize my soul.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
