i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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