i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize
