I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Randomize
