I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Randomize
