Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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