the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Randomize