You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
