A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
