She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
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