His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Randomize
