he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
