this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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