so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
