I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
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