some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Randomize
