i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
