I want to walk on stilts...naked
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
