people are starting to question the shark bite story
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Randomize
