new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
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