Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
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