The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Randomize