if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Randomize
