So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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