Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I just gargled with NyQuil
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
