I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
