You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
