boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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