if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize