sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Randomize
