soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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