so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Randomize
