Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Randomize